Couples who grew up without the love of a father (fatherless) can affect the style of their relationship when they get married, to parenting.
If I could choose, every man would want to be raised with a complete parental figure. But what if our partner is one of those men who grew up without a father, or as he puts it: a fatherless man?
The father figure cannot be separated from the importance of forming the character of a child. Without intending to minimize the role of single mothers altogether, but no matter how great a single mother raises children, the role of a father is still irreplaceable. Father is identical with challenge or challenge, while mother is identical with comfort or comfort.
According to sociologist Peter Karl, fatherless boys spend up to 80% of their time with women. They don't know how to act when they grow up. This directly affects his relationship with women. Men can become more helpless.
In line with that, Firman Ramdhani, M.Psi, Psychologist explained that a man who grows up without a father present, whether his father is not present, may have difficulty becoming a leader. Good for leading oneself, leading a family, including managing conflicts in the household. This is influenced by the lack of he witnessed the interaction between parents.
"This means that the elements needed to be a husband and a father could potentially be problematic, including leadership skills, communication with partners and conflict management," said Firman.
It's hard to be a role model because you don't have a role model
The main role of a father in the household is to be a "model" for sons. The husband plays a role in shaping his son's virility, integrity, and character. He influenced his son's understanding and treatment of the opposite sex. He prepares his son for a purpose and trains him to understand his role as a man.
Now, when your partner is someone who is fatherless, he or she may find it difficult to establish themselves as a “role model” for their children. You could say, he started from zero. He must formulate the meaning of masculinity on his own, without provisions from his father. Meanwhile, true masculinity naturally cannot be given by the mother.
Passive in relationship
A man without a father is very likely to be passive in a relationship. Refuse to offer their leadership and power to wives. Though these two things are most needed by the wife. In a marital relationship, a man's core role is to provide, protect, lead, and be on the front line to defend his family. But when he doesn't have a father who teaches and sets a real example for him "how to" treat his wife and children, it's not impossible for his family to fall apart.
Needs acknowledgment
Never getting validation from a grown man, it's natural for a fatherless couple to thirst for recognition. They are beset with many unanswered questions such as, “Am I doing enough?” or “Is my attitude correct?”
They never get “excellent” or “you're great!” from his father. Therefore they will be driven to pursue success to fulfill the need to be appreciated, recognized or seek affirmation from others. As a couple, you can fulfill your husband's need to be recognized by affirming or validating his feelings or accomplishments. For example, by saying: “You have done what you should as a husband. Keep your spirits up."
How should the wife behave?
When a man does not fulfill the role of husband and father well in the household, this can stress the wife and cause a lot of conflict in the marriage. Wives must learn to refrain from constantly criticizing, controlling, and even belittling their partners. However, if the conflict is prolonged and can no longer be resolved together, it's a good idea to consult a family or marriage psychologist.
“The good news is, not all men who are fatherless will always have problems in carrying out their roles in the household. This is because the growth of human psychological maturity is not only influenced by the parenting pattern of single parents.
On the other hand, this fatherless issue has the potential to be passed down from generation to generation. Therefore, fatherless daddies must equip themselves with parenting knowledge and general life skills so that the chain of fatherless issues can be broken and not handed down to their children," said Firman.